Molly’s blog

Stuff White People Like

Feb 27, 2008
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I got an email today from a friend referencing a block from Eugene Kane, a columnist for the Journal Sentinel. Sometimes he's polarizing, sometimes he's insightful, overall I find him a really interesting read. He opened a discussion about a blog called Stuff White People Like, and and wanted people to respond whether or not they found this blog offensive.

My personal favorites on the list:

1) Bottled water

2) Gentrification

3) Natural Medicine

4) Living by the water

5) Whole Foods and grocery co-ops

6) Arts degrees

7) Apple products

8) 80s Nights

9) Hating their parents

10) Non-profit organizations

11) Religions their parents don't belong to

12) Coffee

The list is hilarious. It doesn't say "All white people like this stuff" and I think it would be absurd to assume so. In fact, there are many things on this list that I make fun of other people for, such as the Wrigleyville losers, Dave Matthew's fanatics and those who only buy organic food. Many items on the list only apply to yuppie posers.

While I find this list really amusing, it'd be interesting to see if it could be applied to another race with the same lightness in humor. It's harder to imagine it being equally funny without stirring up concerns of racism. One of the items on the list is Juno, the Oscar-nominated movie that finds humor in teenage pregnancy. Sure, it's easy to find humor in a white suburb of Minnesota with a spunky pregnant lead character. Place that exact same plot line in a city that has a higher propensity for teenage pregnancy and high school drop outs, and make the lead character an African American girl...suddenly it's not so funny anymore. Some humor just can't transcend ethnicity or cultural contexts.

Celebrity twin

Feb 19, 2008
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An old friend texted me tonight while watching MSNBC coverage of the Wisconsin primary declaring my celebrity twin as Kelly O'Donnell, a reporter for NBC and MSNBC. I had never even heard of her so of course I had to look her up. I'm pretty generic: round face, brown eyes and brown hair, but apparently generic isn't unsuccessful. I've also gotten Mariah Carey, Rachel Ray and even...once upon a time, Alyssa Milano. I like that I get lumped in with some hot Italians (albeit rather annoying) despite my incredibly German/Native American background. I'd have to say, our brunnette lineup (despite Mariah's bleaching and the aforementioned annoying personalities) isn't so bad...

Lineup

Beware of sharks

Feb 15, 2008
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In my newsreader today I rolled across a hilarious article: Shark Attack Deaths Hit 20-Year Low from WebMD.com. Sure there's some scientific facts about the research and whatnot, but look at their list of ways to prevent shark attacks:

    •    Stay in groups.
    •    Stay close to shore.
    •    Avoid being in the water during darkness or twilight hours, when sharks are most active.
    •    Don't go into the water if you're bleeding or menstruating.
    •    Don't wear shiny jewelry in the water. The reflected light resembles the sheen of fish scales.
    •    Use extra caution in murky waters and avoid uneven tanning and bright-colored clothing. Sharks see contrast   particularly well.
    •    Refrain from excess splashing and don't allow pets in the water.
    •    Be careful in areas between sandbars or near steep drop-offs in the shore's floor. Those are favorite shark hangouts.
    •    Don't get in the water if sharks are known to be present.
    •    Get out of the water if sharks are seen there.
    •    Don't harass a shark if you see one.

As someone about to spend a lot of time in the ocean, this article is HILARIOUS. I totally plan on harassing the sharks I see!

Batting for the other team

Feb 15, 2008
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I support gay rights. I'm all about the nontraditional families and civil unions and whatnot. Doesn't mean I'm batting for the other team. In fact, I really like dudes. However, just as I've always suspected, my sister finally busted out what I've been anticipating for a while during one of her, "You need to meet someone!" speeches. The conversation went like this:

My sister: are you avoiding guys?

Me: well I'm going on vacation with one...so clearly no, I'm not avoiding guys

My sister: no, i mean are you purposely avoiding dating guys?
My sister: i guess i mean as a lifestyle
My sister: maybe playing for the other team?

Me: hahaha, no

My sister: it's ok

Me: LOL
Me: oh my god I'm laughing so hard right now, no I am not attracted to women

My sister: just wondering if maybe that's why you're putting up such a strong resistance
My sister: you have a million excuses
My sister: and that's what mom's friend's daughter did
My sister: before she introduced her girlfriend

Me: that's cause in case you forgot, guys are jerks
Me: hahahaha, no I do not find myself attracted to women

My sister: ok

My entire family doesn't know about anyone I've dated/fooled around/whatever since I was 16 years old, so in their brains I haven't dated in almost 10 years. I mentioned one of my college boyfriend's names about a month before we broke up, and to the best of their knowledge he was just a friend. They never asked about the dude (said boyfriend) who brought my home after having my wisdom teeth taken out. They don't bother remembering names and people's roles in my life, so why bother letting them know? Then EVERY time you go out on a date they start badgering you about this other person. Every time you get dumped they ask about how you're doing. If you're in a relationship they ask where it's going. It's always SOMETHING and nothing's been that important enough to want to deal with all of those details.

I don't want to peruse the personal ads. I don't want to put a profile up on Match.com or eHarmony or wherever. I'm not going to date anyone I work with and probably not any of their friends. If something happens it happens. I just don't feel the need to pro actively be seeking it out. That's when your force yourself into not so great situations. You start hallucinating chemistry when there's nothing there because you're "supposed" to find someone. If I hear "You need to put yourself out there!" one more time I might punch that person in the face. Where exactly is "out there" and why do I have to leave perfectly comfortable and content "right here" to get something I don't really want to work for at the moment anyway? I don't need a significant other to fill up some perceived lonely existence, male attention stopped a long time ago and I've learned to be happy without it, I'm not going to prance around in skimpy outfits hoping someone notices me. I don't want to meet strangers in dark seedy bars and make out on street corners. I'm over that phase. I just wish the married folks and people who think that being "open" means all that would stop projecting on me.

Premature atrial contractions

Feb 15, 2008
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I'm fine...the old ticker's still pumping. Early feedback concludes I have premature atrial contractions, which is totally benign and not a big deal at all. Basically I just need to get moving because my heart is bored and work on reducing stress. The doc ran an EKG on me and took some more blood, so if anything's really wrong those tests will let me know.

I'm still secretly hoping for some crazy thyroid disease.

My friend Tif, working on her PhD in child developmental psychyology, suggested my treatment should be comparable to a schedule conducisve to emotional regulation:

"By emphasizing afferent feedback and communications among various levels of the nervous system, the vagal circuit of emotion regulation provides an explanation for the effectiveness of specific interventions (e.g., nonnutritive sucking, massage, eating, exercise, yoga, and cognitive strategies) in the regulation of emotions." (Porges)

Her suggestion for my vacation schedule:
10 am yoga
11 am eating & drinking
12 pm crossword or scrabble (cognitive strategies) & drinking
1 pm massage
2-6 pm swimming (exercise) & drinking
6 pm eating
8 pm drinking
12 am nonnutritive sucking :)

My heart's a flutter

Feb 14, 2008
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It's Valentine's Day and my heart's a flutter. Not about anything romantic, of course, quite literally, my heartbeat is apparently irregular. I visited my lady doctor for my annual check-up today, bringing new meaning to V-Day, and at the very beginning she said, "Wow, you have an irregular heartbeat! Did anyone ever tell you that?" To which I responded, "Uh...no. What do you mean I have an irregular heartbeat!?" She said, "It's probably nothing, you should just have it checked out by your primary physician just to be safe. In the meantime we'll run a thyroid test and a metabolic test on you too. This is nothing to lose sleep over."

So what's the next logical step for an obsessive, anal retentive freak? Hit up the internets! Of course it's basically a death sentence to look up any medical condition online, but hey, I've watched enough ER and House and a zillion other medical shows to know what's up. Yeah, the second my eyes ran over words like, "surgery" and "pacemaker" I completely shut down.

I'm 25 years old. While yes, members of my family have high blood pressure and high cholesterol, no one related to me by blood (lots of second marriages and adoptions in my family) has ever keeled over due to heart disease at a ridiculously early age. And yes, I have gained a considerably scary amount of weight in the last 5 years or so, but doesn't it take longer than that to develop into heart disease? I'm seriously hoping this is just a basic electrolyte imbalance and they're gonna tell me to get some more potassium or cut back on the salt for a few days.

Since I'm leaving the country in 14 days, I decided it'd probably be a good idea to get this checked out before traveling internationally. I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow. I didn't want to tell my family because I knew the follow-up response would be, "See, I told you you have to lose the weight! It's already killing you! There's no reason for anyone to be your size! Don't you want to live a meaningful life?" However, being that I AM traveling internationally I thought it might be a good idea to tell SOMEONE in my family in case I keel over on the beach in Aruba (man, that would be the best way to go though: quick, warm and happy) what's going on. So I told my sister, who offered no peace of mind. She launched into stories how one of her husband's friends died because of his irregular heartbeat and how her boss's heart condition was probably around in his 30s and 40s but they didn't start treating it until he was in his 50s. How my weight probably is a huge factor (pun intended), and I have to do exactly what they tell me, even if that means giving up beer 100% (I almost started crying at that point). Apparently I MIGHT have sleep apnea and not even realize it. I MIGHT be sent to a sleep clinic...etc...etc...and every other worst case scenario type story you can think of.

What's worse is that I'm afraid I'm going to turn into a hypochondriac trying to figure this out. It's hard not thinking back to when I was having panic attacks over the summer; it really could be my irregular heart beat. Or the fact that I can sleep 14 hours on a Friday night; I thought that's just because I'm adjusting to a new schedule with my job or that it's February and we keep hitting 30 below; but that could be my irregular heartbeat too.

Is it bad that I'm secretly hoping for some funky thyroid disease that I can blame my weight gain and zillions of other problems on? If they tell me I need to see a nutritionist, cut out alcohol and caffeine, and lose a drastic amount of weight in a short period of time I might implode. 1) I'm too young to give up the simple pleasures of life, 2) I don't have the money to see a nutritionist or pay for really expensive healthy food and 3) Unless I get a personal trainer or bariatric surgery, I don't think this weight is coming off. I've been able to take some pounds off before, but nothing to drastically make a difference in my health, mostly just vanity. I'm a sprinter, not a marathon runner.

As if I needed anymore anxiety about looking like a beached whale in Aruba, now I have medical proof. Awesome.

Yes, We Can

Feb 11, 2008
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Yes, We Can

I don't consider myself a very politically active person, however, with such a close race at hand it's hard remaining quiet.

The country's morale has been coasting on empty for quite some time and I think it's fair to say the vast majority of the country is ready for change.

As someone who has traveled internationally at the height of the anti-American and anti-Bush sentiment, it's hard not wanting to make a choice that could seemingly make amends with the world again. It's hard not wanting to apologize for the destruction our country has caused. I believe backing Barack Obama is like my way of telling the world, "We're better than what we've become. We owe this to you." We owe it to the world to make things right.

I don't only want to feel the pride of being an American citizen as I walk the streets abroad with a new confidence. I want to see if in the faces of my peers at home. I want to see it in the way we hold ourselves accountable for the future. I want to redefine my sense of patriotism. I want power and strength to not be words that describe our military force, I want them to be words that describe our morale and our educational, healthcare and technological resources.

We need a change, and a bigger change than just the political party holding office. We need a unifying force that inspires change in everyone. I like the idea of believing in a leader who seems ready to take on what seems so insurmountable to an average person like myself. I want to be inspired and I want to be held accountable. I want to be one person who is expected to become more than what I am. Complacency does not ignite change.

Obama's "Yes, We Can," video is becoming a viral sensation. It's catchy, it's hard not being moved by the words mixed in with the music. The words are taken from a speech Obama gave after the New Hampshire primary. Since the video is remixed the words are not necessarily in the order they were delivered. However, it translates to the following:

"It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation: Yes, we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights: Yes, we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness: Yes, we can.

It was the call of workers who organized, women who reached for the ballot, a president who chose the moon as our new frontier, and a king who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised land: Yes, we can, to justice and equality.

Yes, we can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can repair this world. Yes, we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come.

We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

...that the hopes of the little girl who goes to the crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of L.A., we will remember that there is something happening in America, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest, that we are one people, we are one nation.

And, together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story, with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea: Yes, we can."

I found the transcript in its entirety from the New York Times. I encourage everyone to read it. Even if you still disagree with Obama's stance, get out and vote. Make your voice heard and hold yourself accountable.

FSJ is my boyfriend

Feb 6, 2008
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I love Fake Steve Jobs. Everyone knows me as an Apple weenie, and it's fine. I've embraced it. Now that I know longer work at the Apple Store I can finally talk about all things Apple online again without fear of losing my job. I'm working on my social etiquette. When talking to PC users it's really hard not to sound like the Mac/PC commercials. Admittedly, I've even gotten into some heated and insulting discussions...but I'm trying to get beyond that. I'm also trying to cope with the fact I was giving a PC laptop at my new job. The poor IT guy has dealt with me begging for a Mac, but he just won't budge. I can sometimes be found at my desk banging on the keyboard muttering, "IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE EASIER THAN THIS!"

Anyway, catering to my crazed, fanatical obsession is The Secret Diary of Fake Steve Jobs. Obviously, this blog is written by someone posing as the genius himself. The writer was actually unveiled by the New York Times, but I have no desire to share that information. I agree with TUAW, I like Fake Steve jobs as fake. I don't want to know who the person is, he's hilarious and cracks me up. I pretend to not know any other information beyond that. I like that he not only ridicules "his" own customer base, but he has bizarre fictional political and pop-culture stories (like "his" relationship with Bono and general primary election banter). The fact that I know (insert obvious name dropping insult here) FSJ's art director, Jason, just fuels the fun factor for me. Definitely worth subscribing to.

33,120 more minutes and I'm outta here

Feb 6, 2008
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aruba.jpg

It seems like it's impossible to get away from the storm today. I even worked from home today because the though of driving in 10 inches of snow sounded miserable. It's all over the news, seriously, nothing else must be happening in Milwaukee because all I hear is the impending treacherous doom of winter storm 08. Yesterday was Super Tuesday and the local news wouldn't even bother discussing the results today because frozen precipitation is far more important than the future of the country. Sure, predicting FUTURE weather is important, but really, update to the storm that's already happening doesn't require updates every 15 minutes throughout the day. You could just open some blinds and see that it's taking four people and two shovels to get a sedan moving. It's best to stay in if possible!

The only thing getting me through the dark days of this seemingly unending nasty winter is knowing that in 23 days I am Aruba-bound. I am clinging to images of the beach and pina coladas with little umbrellas in my brain as my only saving grace. I've decided that I'm going to have to make a February/March vacation an annual event because it's hard not getting batty this time of year in Wisconsin. I'm really hoping that some sun therapy is going to get me out of my winter funk. I am slightly concerned I might never come back. I could totally make a living selling seashell necklaces on the beach or leading snorkel trips. Who needs a career when you have 85 degrees, sunshine and the ocean year-round?

Warning: Alcohol content might be higher than you suspect

Feb 6, 2008
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I'm usually inclined to think that when it comes to alcohol content all beers are created equal. NOT TRUE! I normally drink two and I'm completely fine, I start noticing a difference around four beers. With the fancy imports I purchased yesterday, the alcohol content can be more than two times the percentage of standard "session" beers. For example, MillerBrewing.com says the ABV in a Miller Lite is 4.2%. In the Trois Pistoles I had last night? 9%! The Blanche de Chambly was around 5%. This means I probably had around the 3-4 Miller Lite range in two awesome beers.

Conclusions:

1) Don't blog after two awesome imports. It's not that interesting.

2) High-end beer is the way to go. More alcohol, less calories, better beer.

3) I'm resolving to only talk about beer that I find REALLY interesting. I'm not a beer expert and I'm not going to waste anyone's time reviewing beer that doesn't inspire a lot of words.